Anata no Me, Itai Hodo Yasashikute
by yacchin
Summary: (あなたの目、愛しいほど優しくて) The time is World War II, and Japanese-American Honda Kiku finds himself stuck in an internment camp. When he is ready to give up, however, a young American guard gives him hope. Title translation: Your Eyes, So Kind it Hurts.
1. Welcome to Manzanar

"Welcome to Manzanar"

Kiku stepped off of the bus and looked around. There were rows and rows of barracks, and dirt everywhere. "A home away from home," they'd said. But this was nothing near what home was like.

The small Japanese man sighed, not sure what he was to anticipate. He felt something tugging at his pant leg, and looked down to see a small child looking up at him. He forced a smile, not wanting to look too serious or scary, and she smile back brightly. Oh, the innocence of children. . .How he wished he still had it.

"Misaki! Come here!" At the sound of her mother's voice, the little girl ran off, throwing a "Bye, onii-san!" over her shoulder.

Kiku's smile faded. This place. . it just had a horrid feeling to it. Some of the others complained as the American guards herded them further into the camp, but Kiku remained silent. They were lined up in two lines, one for men and one for women, then forced into the rows of barracks. It was almost unbelievable that there were so many children there as well.

In Kiku's barracks, there were four elderly men, one child, and seven younger men, including Kiku himself. How they would live comfortably in here, Kiku did not know. He supposed that they would not be allowed to live comfortably at all. Kiku let out a soft sigh. Things were definitely going to be difficult here.

* * *

"Jones, Alfred!"

A young blond man with bright blue eyes stood. "Yes, sir!" The list of guards at the camp was surprisingly long. Alfred wondered if there were really that many people necessary. He didn't know exactly what was going on, but it seemed that they were putting Japanese Americans in these camps because of things going on in the war. But these people all seemed harmless. . . well, he supposed, they wouldn't be hurting them, would they?

Alfred was assigned to a row of barracks. Out of all of them, there was one barracks that caught his attention. There were four elderly men, one child, and seven younger men cooped up in it. One of the younger men would always stare at the American when he came by – well, all of the men would stare at him, but something about this young man's stare was different. It seemed to be merely curious, rather than full of hatred. Alfred would find himself staring right back at the young man. Always.

**A/N: Ohai thur. ouo This is based on an RP ~ :'D and uhm. I know this was kind of an awkward place to end the chapter, but MERF. JUST MERF. So yer. Hope you enjoyed, and please review~**


	2. Voice

Around a month passed. The child in Kiku's barracks couldn't take it anymore. He cried and wailed, wanting to go home. His father tried and tried to calm him, to no avail. The other men grumbled, irritated. When the child still did not calm down after a bit, Kiku stood and walked over to him. He kneeled down so he was at eye level with the child, and began to sing softly, his smooth and velvety voice filling the barracks. The child began to calm down, his tears and sobs subsiding as he stared in awe at the young man in front of him.

He wasn't the only one staring.

* * *

Alfred couldn't believe his ears. Never before had he heard such a beautiful sound. . .was it really a human voice? He tried not to look too eager as he neared the barracks that the singing was coming from.

When he reached the barracks, he looked inside. There he was – that doll-like young man, the source of the voice like flowing velvet. The young American found himself staring. Then he heard the footsteps of other guards, and made to look like he was just arriving at the barracks himself.

Later, the guards grumbled and complained to each other about how that young man seemed like he could be trouble for them. They were irritated, annoyed that their jobs might be more difficult.

Alfred, though, was just more intrigued.

**A/N: I apologize for the shortness of this chapter. ;;;;; I have issues. xD And I was writing as I waited for my hair dye to work and shit, and I suddenly felt like "HOLYSHITIJUSTHAVETOPOSTTHISC HAPTERRIGHTNOW"**

**and I really just don't know. OTL**

**ALSO. I was asked in a review from an anonymous reviewer what song I had in mind for Kiku. The song I had in mind is Ue Wo Muite Aruko. I effing love that song so much, it's ridiculous. 3**

**Please review~!333**


	3. How?

Time seemed to pass almost painfully slowly for the internees. The same routines, every damned day. . . How much longer would this last?

The JapaneseAmericans were growing restless. Some even tried running away. Those who did were severely punished.

The boy in Kiku's barracks could not handle being stuck in the camp. He would scream and cry, frustrated that he couldn't go home. The only thing that could sooth him was Kiku's smooth, gentle voice. And every time that voice filled the barracks, Alfred would stand there, just out of their sight, listening. It soothed him, too.

* * *

Then one day, there was no singing. Alfred started to head towards that barracks, but stopped short. The man with the face like a porcelain doll was being dragged out into a dirt clearing by an older guard. The man stumbled and struggled, to no avail. The guard pulled him up by the collar, speaking through gritted teeth, practically spitting his words in the small man's face. Alfred couldn't quite hear, but he thought he heard "song" and "rebellion". Did the other guard think that the man's singing was a way of rebellion? Or a way to start rebellion? Somehow, Alfred doubted that. He watched as the man softly spoke, and was cut off by the guard growling and roughly shoving him to the ground before pressing his face into the dirt with his heavy boot. "You will stop!" he roared, grinding the internee's pale face into the harsh dirt ground.

Alfred couldn't watch anymore. He started walking towards the two, his hands clenched in fists. But it seemed that the doll-faced man had answered, because the guard lifted his foot and spat on him before walking away. Alfred stopped short, then quickly made to look like he had just been passing by.

How could the guards treat the Japanese Americans in such a way? It was cruel. . .inhumane. Alfred didn't know how much he himself could take in here, let alone the internees.

He wanted to do something to help.

But. . .what?

**A/N: These chapters. They be short. I be sorry. OTL**

**I hope you enjoyed anyway!**

**And reviews. I love them. They motivate me. :'**


	4. Smile

That cruel guard seemed to think of Kiku as a new toy. He would pick on him daily, finding some sort of sick pleasure in beating him.

It got worse and worse.

It probably didn't help that Kiku didn't stop singing like the guard had ordered him to. But Kiku didn't want the child to be punished for screaming, especially now that he knew how punishments were issued here. He would rather be punished himself than watch a child get hurt. Unfortunately for Kiku, that just got him beaten more and more often.

At times, it got terribly violent. One day, for no reason in particular, that same guard dragged Kiku out into the dirt clearing and beat him down. When Kiku tried to stand, the guard pulled out a crop and whipped his face with it, opening a long gash down his cheek, knocking him to the ground. Blood flowed freely from the wound. The guard, satisfied with his "work", walked off, leaving Kiku lying there. . .

Kiku managed to make it back to his barracks. His vision blurred, and the world began to spin. Then he fell limply to the ground, unconscious.

* * *

Alfred couldn't believe what he was seeing. The other guard actually whipped the doll-like man. . . Once he was sure that his superior was gone, Alfred rushed over to the injured internee's barracks. The men were arguing about something, most likely about what to do with the unconscious man on the floor. While the adults argued, the child tried to help. . . It was a touching scene. Alfred gently picked the man up, looking around warily to make sure no other guards were looking before he faced the internees, lifted a finger to his lips as if to say "It'll be our secret," then hurried off to his own quarters, where he locked the door and set the Japanese man on the bed. Then he found his first aid kit and began to clean and treat the wound on that doll-like face. Once he had bandaged it, he sat back and watched the man lying on his bed. . .

* * *

When Kiku woke, it was dark. His face was throbbing. What had happened. . .? Oh, right. He'd been whipped in the face.

Where was he now? He sat up and winced, letting out a groan as his hand flew to his bandaged face. He made a mental note to be more careful when he moved.

Wait.

Bandaged face?

Why was his face bandaged?

"Oh, you're awake. Are you feeling okay?"

Kiku jumped at the sound of someone else's voice. His muscles tensed as he braced himself for another blow.

Then the words registered.

". . .What?"

"I said, are you feeling okay?" The voice was gentle. . . But it sounded American. Kiku didn't let his guard down – although it might've been a bit late for that.

"I am. . .fine. Who are you?"

A candle was lit, revealing a face. Kiku recognized it as the guard who had always seemed nicer than the others.

"Alfred. One of your. . .guards." It was evident that Alfred did not like the idea of being a guard at the camp. "Uhm, if you don't mind me asking. . .what's your name?"

Kiku hesitated. Why was Alfred acting so kindly towards him? Wasn't he supposed to be cold to him, like the rest of the guards?

". . .Kiku."

Alfred smiled.

"Kiku," he repeated. "It's a lovely name."

Kiku couldn't help but notice how warm that smile was.


	5. Hands

The days passed by in a blur for Kiku. He found that his mind kept wandering back to that warm, sweet smile. . .

And nearly every time he daydreamed, that cruel guard would come and lash out at him, yelling at him, beating him for being "useless" and "not paying attention" to the things he was ordered to do. Kiku rarely went one day without having a new wound or scar added to his collection.

But, when the wounds got terrible, Alfred would secretly help Kiku, cleaning and wrapping his wounds, then sending him on his way. With the time they spent together, the two grew closer and closer. . .

Before he knew it, Kiku had fallen in love with Alfred. The young American was so utterly sweet and kind, so reliable, that it would have been hard for Kiku not to grow to love him. . . But Kiku knew that he would have to keep his feelings to himself. There was no way a relationship between a guard and an internee would be accepted, by either side.

Even knowing that, the petite man couldn't help it. When things grew difficult, he would simply think of being able to see Alfred again later, and his worries would momentarily wash away.

He even truly smiled again.

It happened when Alfred was bandaging his arm for him.

"Your hands are so beautiful, Kiku."

Those words caught Kiku by surprise. A soft blush crept onto his cheeks.

"Th-They're just hands," he mumbled shyly.

Alfred lifted Kiku's hand to his lips and kissed the soft, pale skin, caressing it with his own hand.

"They're just beautiful, that's what they are." He smiled.

Kiku's blush darkened, and he let out a soft, bell-like giggle. Alfred's eyes widened, as well as his smile.

"But they're nothing, compared to your smile."

The redness of Kiku's face was almost comical.

Alfred chuckled lightly. "Not used to compliments, I see?" He gave Kiku's hand another gentle kiss before standing, his smile fading. "As much as I'd love to keep you here, the other guards will get suspicious if you're gone from your barracks for too long." The blonde pulled Kiku to his feet, pulling just enough for the older man to fall against his chest and into his arms.

"Be safe. . ."

Then he let him go, quietly closing the door behind him.

* * *

**A/N: SLAUKJDNGLKJNFS Sorry this took so long. ;;;; School and stuff. OTL**

**But here it is! Chapter five~ I hope you enjoy it!**

**Also, I don't own Hetalia and all that. Forgot to put that in my other chappehs. **

**Also also, please review! Your reviews keep me motivated. ; u ;**

**Until next time, then!**


	6. Fright

After that day, Kiku found that he wanted more and more to see Alfred, wanting more often to spend time with him. . .

But he had to focus.

He had to stay alive.

Kiku did his best not to stand out too much. But that guard kept returning to him, to torture him. . .

Then one day, the unthinkable happened.

It happened after the guard came storming in one day, obviously in a wretched mood. Without a word, he pointed his gun at Kiku. . .

The young child's father stood angrily.

"What has Kiku-san ever done to you?! You're always treating him so coldly. . . Stop!"

Then the gun was trained on him. The man's eyes widened, but he stood his ground, his son hiding behind the man next to him.

Kiku stared back and forth between the man and the guard. He didn't even know that the man had known his name. . .

But before he could do or say anything, the crack of the gunshot rang out, and the man fell to the ground, limp and lifeless, blood pouring from his chest. Kiku rushed to his side, his eyes wide with panic. Then he felt a rough hand grabbing his arm, and looked up, right into the guard's face. . .

He was dragged off, away from the fresh corpse that he felt was somehow his fault. . .

The guard pulled him with ease, despite his struggles. He tossed the small man against a fence in a secluded clearing. . .

The Japanese-American winced. The fence was sharp. . . Then he felt cold metal against his wrists, and looked up to see that the guard was. . .handcuffing him. To the fence. This couldn't be good. . .

Brutal, cruel lips pressed against his own smooth, pink virgin ones, violating them, carelessly discarding their purity as though it meant nothing, as rough hands crudely explored his body, tearing at his clothes. . . Kiku felt his eyes fill with tears. Was this really happening to him. . ? After all he'd been through, there was more? More of this cruelty coming? He stopped struggling, realizing that there was no hope, and that his struggles would probably give the sick, twisted man some sort of pleasure. . .

Kiku closed his eyes, letting his body relax as much as he could as his clothes were ripped from his body. . .

* * *

Hours later, Kiku lay there, still chained by the wrists to the fence. His face was damp with tear stains, every inch of his pale skin revealed, freezing from the biting breeze that nipped at him.

Just before his eyes closed, he vaguely wondered if anyone would find him. . .

And for the longest time, no one did.

* * *

**A/N: I FORGOT THIS AUTHOR'S NOTE LOL SORRY WHOOPS HAAHBLGNF.**

**Sorry this took so long. Life. And all that.**

**And the whole I don't own Hetalia thing. Yes.**

**Also, please review! Reviews keep me motivated. 3**

**I'm so effing tired right now. You don't even know. It's almost 1 AM. I am so done. 3**


	7. Hope

Alfred noticed that Kiku wasn't among the others from his barracks. Strange. . . He looked around the camp, trying to find him, to no avail.

Where could Kiku be? There were only so many places that he could go within the confines of the camp.

Then. . .could it be? Did Kiku escape?

Somehow, Alfred doubted it.

He searched and searched, growing more and more worried by the moment. Right when he was about to give up, though, he saw something dark slightly visible behind stacks of crates.

His heart sank.

It looked like hair.

Alfred broke into a run, his fears confirmed as he neared it. It was Kiku, lying stark naked in the dirt, his body covered in cuts and bruises, his rear bloodied, his wrists cuffed to the fence. . .

What on earth had happened. . ?

The American took off his uniform jacket and knelt down, gently wrapping it around Kiku's frail frame before unlocking the handcuffs and lifting him carefully. With a quick look around to make sure no one was watching, he broke into a run, soon making it to his quarters and locking the door, setting Kiku down on the bed and getting his first-aid kit out.

"O-Oh, Kiku. . ." Alfred gently pushed Kiku's hair back from his face before opening the first-aid kit and beginning to clean and bandage the wounds. When he was done, he simply sat there, stroking Kiku's cheek ever so gently. . .

* * *

Kiku's eyes opened slowly. It took a moment for his location to register, then he tried to sit up. But his rear was in such pain. . . So he lay back down, sighing. He realized that Alfred was asleep right there, and started to smile.

But then he remembered what had happened, and the terror wiped the smile right off his face. He began to tremble violently, his eyes filling with tears. It was then that Alfred woke up.

"K-Kiku!" He gently reached over to the older man, who cringed away at first, then relaxed into the American's embrace.

"A-Alfred," he half-sobbed. "Alfred. . ."

Alfred pulled him into a close embrace. "Shh, it's okay. . . I'm here. I'm here for you, Kiku. . ." He swallowed. "Wh. . .What did he do to you. . ?" Alfred just knew that it had been that cruel guard who'd done. . .whatever had been done. He just knew.

Kiku burrowed further into Alfred's embrace, taking a few deep breaths.

Then he began to speak, his voice soft and weak as he explained to Alfred what had transpired. . .

Alfred was repulsed. He'd know that the guards at this camp were twisted, but he never thought that they'd be sick enough to actually go as far as to rape the internees. . .

And that guard had raped _his_ Kiku. Alfred's Kiku. How dare he?

How dare he?!

But. . . As regrettable as it was, there wasn't anything Alfred could do about it. He felt so lost, so helpless, as he held Kiku close, stroking his hair. . .

Then he thought of something he could do.

"K. . . Kiku. . ."

"Y-Yes, Alfred. . ?"

"I'm going to get you out of here."

". . . How do you intend to do that. . ?"

"I. . . I don't know. But I'll do it. I swear on my life, I'll do it."

"Where will I go?"

"With me. You'll come live with me. I have this little apartment in the suburbs; it's big enough for the two of us. We can live together, Kiku. We can be happy. . ."

"That sounds wonderful, Alfred. . ."

And at that moment, Alfred's mind set to work, planning an escape. . .

He just needed to get Kiku to safety.

* * *

**A/N: Ohaiguys. I think this is the longest chapter so far. I wrote/typed it while falling asleep. Ohurrhurrhurr. **

**Wellllllllllllllllllllllllll l! Alfred is finally being heroic. Ish. Heroicish. XD **

**So I know the last few lines are a tad choppy. But, like I said, I typed it while falling asleep. XD**

**Anyhurr.**

**Please reviewwwww, hope you enjoyed, and all that jazz.**

**I, unfortunately, do not own Hetalia. ; v ;**


	8. Nothing More

"That sounds wonderful, Alfred. . ." Kiku's voice was soft. Alfred looked at him, and felt a pang of sadness. The Japanese-American's eyes and face were wet with tears. Alfred hadn't even heard him crying. . .

"Oh, Kiku. . ." Alfred pulled him back into a tight embrace, brushing his lips against the older man's forehead. Kiku looked up at him in slight surprise, a flattering pink blush on his cheeks. Their faces were mere inches apart. Both began to lean in, slowly moving closer to each other, anticipating the small, momentary solace that awaited them. . .

Then there was a loud knock at the door, and they jumped apart.

"Jones! Jones, are you in there?" It was that cold-hearted guard. . .that monster that had hurt Kiku. . .

"Y-Yes, sir!" Alfred called, lifting Kiku carefully and carrying him over to the small wardrobe that Alfred was allowed for his things. He opened the doors and gently set the man down, wrapping his extra blanket around him and softly closing the doors before going to open the door to his quarters.

"Jones, your report for the day?"

""Right away, sir." Alfred pulled some papers off of his suitcase and handed them to the guard, who looked through them, nodded, and walked off.

As soon as the guard was gone, Alfred closed and locked his door, then rushed to the wardrobe and threw the doors open. "Kiku?"

Kiku was curled up into an almost impossibly tiny ball, shaking like a leaf.

"Kiku, it's alright. . . He's gone now. You're safe," he said softly, reaching in and gathering the small man up in his arms, carrying him back to the bed, shutting the wardrobe doors with his foot on the way. When he tried to set Kiku down, though, Kiku clung to him, clutching the front of his shirt. Alfred chuckled lightly, then sat down, leaning against the wall, with Kiku in his lap. He hummed quietly, stroking Kiku's hair until the latter fell asleep.

Alfred only held him tighter, kissing his forehead again and closing his own eyes to get some rest. . .

* * *

They were just like that when they woke again. Alfred woke first, then Kiku was awakened by the feeling of gentle lips on his nose.

"Good morning, sleepyhead."

"You sound like you just woke up, yourself." Kiku stretched, then curled back up and nuzzled Alfred's chest.

"Shh, you don't have to know that!" Alfred yawned.

Neither of them made any move to get up, even after they heard the wake-up call for the internees.  
"Kiku. . ." Alfred murmured. "Kiku, I. . . I don't want to put you back out there in the open. . ." His arms tightened around the older man protectively. "I don't want to," he repeated softly, kissing Kiku's temple.

It was all Alfred wanted, to protect Kiku. To make him happy. Nothing more.

Nothing more. . .


	9. To keep living

The fact that he couldn't keep Kiku in the safety of his quarters frustrated Alfred. He reluctantly let the smaller man out, worried out of his mind.

The next time that guard hurt Kiku, Alfred almost lost his temper with him. But he managed to keep a calm front, making sure to take extra care when he cleaned and bandaged the smaller man's wounds later.

What bothered Alfred the most, though, was that Kiku seemed to be growing accustomed to the abuse. The man's pale skin was constantly covered in bruises, but as time went on, he seemed to care less and less. Sure, it could have been because it meant he was able to spend time with Alfred. But it still wasn't right for him to be so apathetic about it. . .

He confronted Kiku about it one day when the two were sitting on Alfred's bed, the elder in the younger's arms.

"Kiku. . . Why are you letting yourself get used to this?" He gestured towards the older man's wounds, his expression troubled.

Kiku only smiled, though it was a sad expression.

His next words sent a chill down Alfred's spine.

"Because otherwise, I won't be able to keep living. . ."

The severity of the situation sank in a bit deeper for Alfred. Sure, he saw the things that were going on. Sure, he knew how badly the internees were being treated.

But Kiku's words made him realize that there was no way that he could understand what it was actually like. He was not experiencing what the Japanese-Americans were. He was not being pushed to the brink. . .

"A-Alfred?!" Kiku's worried voice startled the young American out of his thoughts. It was followed by thin, cold fingers brushing tears off of his cheeks.

Wait.

Tears?

Alfred hadn't even realized that he was crying.

"Alfred, are you alright. . ?"

Oh, how kind Kiku was, to worry about Alfred when he himself was under such horrid circumstances. . .

The thought brought another round of tears to Alfred's eyes. Why could people be so cruel? How? He thought of all of the people who were suffering in the internment camps, of the men, the women, the children. . . He thought of the young boy in Kiku's barracks who had had to see his father killed right before his eyes. . . He thought of-

Alfred felt soft, gentle lips being pressed against his own. He blinked in surprise. Kiku's doll-like face was right there, right in front of his, the pale eyelids framed with long, beautiful lashes lightly closed. . . The young American found himself frozen in surprise.

Kiku pulled away, a dark blush tinting his cheeks. "P-Please don't cry," he mumbled shyly. "It isn't your fault. . ." It was almost as though he could read Alfred's mind. . .

In a rush of emotion, Alfred pulled Kiku into a deep, passionate kiss. His arms slipped around the smaller man, holding him close.

He didn't care what anyone else thought.

This was what felt right to him.

This was what was right for him.


	10. Family

Alfred knew he had to think of a way to get Kiku out of there, but. . . it was so incredibly difficult. It was getting tougher to keep Kiku from the grasp of the other guards. . .

One day, they discussed it together in Alfred's quarters.

"Kiku. . . I'm so sorry." Alfred swallowed. "I. . .I promise, I really will get you out. . ."

Kiku took Alfred's hand. "I know," he said with a soft smile. "And. . ." The small man fidgeted a bit.

"What is it, Kiku?" Alfred gently pulled Kiku into his lap, cradling him. "You can tell me anything. . ."

"I'd like to take Isamu with us when we go."

Alfred blinked. "Isamu?"

Kiku nodded. "Yes, the boy whose father was. . ." He trailed off, chewing his lip.

Alfred understood immediately. Kiku wanted to adopt that poor young child.

"Of course, we'll take him with us." Alfred pressed a gentle kiss to Kiku's temple.

It was settled, then. They would escape together, and they would start a family, the three of them. They would be happy. . .

They wouldn't have to suffer anymore.

* * *

**A/N: So! I finally uploaded another chapter after, like, what. Forever and a day. ._. But here it is! Too short. OTL But this is all I could manage to squeeze out over tahsilduhfgkjnasdiofbg however long it's been. I've kinda got a lot of shit going on right now, so I'm sorry if the next chapter takes forever too! OTL **

**Please review! It's rather motivational. =3= Also, I don't own Hetalia.**


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